Smile Like You Mean It
by sassygayowen
Summary: Something isn't right and nothing makes sense. Owen wakes up with virtually no memory of the previous days in a medical facility. His mind is a mess as he starts to meet old friends for the first time.
1. Chapter 1

**A/n: This is a little different from what I normally write. I've been reading a lot lately and I suppose I got the idea from a book called "The Program" by Suzanne Young. I highly recommend it. It's kind of based off the idea but I tried to stray away from most of it. As we all know, I don't own the Grey's Anatomy characters, Shonda and ABC do. I do own the other characters though. Anyway, enjoy. **

**Chapter One – Oblivion **

Owen wakes up. The room is pale and he's laying down. He lifts his head and looks around wondering, where exactly, he is. Owen lifts one of his arms up to rub his face. A long red scar catches his eye and he wonders where it came from. His eyebrows furrow as he takes his other hand and runs a finger up and down it. It's several days old it seems. The slice is still a little tender but it's closed. Owen's deeply confused as he sits up, looking around the pale room. He's wearing blue scrubs which is odd or maybe not odd. Just as Owen is trying to figure out if it's actually odd or not, someone opens a door and he looks up. "Ah you're awake Owen." A male voice says with a smile. He's an older guy with a white lab coat. Owen suspects he's in his 60's or so with the salt and pepper hair. His eyebrows are furrowed as he tries to figure out how this guy knows who he is. "What's happening?" Owen asks, wondering if this situation is completely normal or not. His mind isn't sure. "Well Owen, you've been unconscious for about 5 days now. Good thing you woke up. I was worried we'd given you too much sedative. How are you feeling?" Owen is confused. "Uh...Fine?" Who the hell was this guy? Was he sick? What was happening here? Did he even know where he was? "What's happening?" Owen repeats. "Who are you?" "I'm Dr Thomas and you're at the Miller Facility and have been for two weeks." "Two weeks?" Owen replies, running a hand through his red hair. "I...I don't remember that." "Well of course not. We took care of that. It was very traumatic for you."

Owen is completely confused, trying to piece together any little pieces of memory he has. "Don't think too hard Owen. You need to rest your mind. Why don't you take a couple of minutes and I'll send David to fetch you, take you for a walk or something?" His voice is seemingly calm and comforting and Owen decides to go with it for some reason, not knowing any better. The older man leaves. Owen looks around the room, searching for something, anything but he couldn't find a thing. It's several minutes before the door opens again and another man around his age steps into the room. "Hello Owen. How are you doing?" He asks in a friendly enough tone. Owen just stares at him for a moment before finally answering. "Okay.." He replies before looking away. The man wasn't much taller than Owen and has short, dark hair. David seems friendly enough. It seems as though the two people he interacts with are rather friendly which could be odd or maybe it isn't. Owen watches David help him up and he realizes how unsteady his feet are and nearly falls right over after trying to stand on his own. David grips his arm. "Perhaps I'll get you a chair...Can you lean against the wall?" Owen does what he's told. A moment later, David appears again and gets him to sit. He looks around as David pushes him up the hallway that seems to match his room. Everything is pale. David pushes him into a large common area with several other people in similar clothes. Some pay him attention and some do not. Owen is off put by this. David senses his unease and rests a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay. They're just like you. Let's go outside for some air and then I'll take you back to your room okay?" Owen nods and suddenly needs to leave. It's a lot to take in and they all make him nervous. David pushes him down the hall towards some double doors and presses a button, the doors opening automatically. Owen feels the air on his skin. It's a little cool but it doesn't chill him, his scrubs being enough for warmth. The leaves on the trees are yellow, some already discarded on the grass.

Owen looks at his surroundings, staring at the mountains before him. It's a little misty outside but he likes it. "Better?" He hears David ask quietly. Owen nods. "Yes." He sits in silence for several minutes before finally speaking. "Where am I?" Owen asks quietly. "You're at the Miller Facility outside Seattle Washington." The other man replies, realizing Owen has asked that already. "I don't know what that this." He replies, biting his lip. "It's a place where we help people like you Owen. You were brought here 2 weeks ago for help." "Help? Why..why did I need help?" "You were sad Owen." He's sad? What's he sad about? Did you have to go somewhere when you were sad? His mind is still muddled and it just didn't make any sense to him. Owen is so confused by the entire thing, unsure of what else to ask without sounding stupid. "Oh." He finally says, shifting in his seat. David senses the discomfort. "You'll get it Owen. Your mind is a little frazzled right now. I promise you'll feel better soon." Owen hopes so. He very much wanted to figure this all out so he could get fixed. Maybe he is or maybe he almost is. Would he go somewhere after that? Where does he come from? Owen thinks about it but nothing came to mind. He hears David mention Seattle though. "Am..am I from Seattle?" Owen asks, tilting his head to the side and looks up at David. David looks down. "You are." It's clear they helped him a bit too much. David thinks he would have gotten that by now but he supposes being out for 5 days would do that to you. "I am? Hm. Do I get to go home?" "You will. A couple more weeks maybe and you should be home." And that's all Owen says the rest of the time they are out. David takes Owen back to his room. A short while later, some food is brought to his room. They figure he is still a little too fragile to eat with the others yet. The rest of the day is pretty minimal which Owen doesn't mind. He saw the older doctor again. Dr Thomas gives him something to take and then a short while after that, he feels drowsy and falls asleep.

The next day Owen wakes up and looks around. He feels less confused than the previous day which makes him relatively happy. Owen waits until David comes and gets him before heading to the cafeteria. At least he can walk today. He sticks pretty close to the other man until they get to a bench. "You want me to bring you some food?" David asks him, raising his eyebrows. "Or did you want to do it?" Owen bites his lip and considers his options before he decides to follow David to the food. He feels too nervous to even think about sitting by himself or worse, having to sit with someone. Owen is still pretty nervous of everyone, occasionally he looks around to make sure no one is about to walk up to him. He walks with David to the food line, glancing at the dishes they are offering. Owen just looks at David, before he looks at the person serving the food. He points to some soup and gets a bun. Owen walks with him to a table and sits down. A moment later, a young woman sits across from him with a friendly looking smile. She has short brown hair and bright eyes. "Hey!" Owen nearly jumps up from his seat, startled she's there. "Wooha wooha hey. Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. It's nice to see you around again." He glances at David who nods, assuring him it's okay. "Again..?" Owen finally says, breaking the awkward silence between them. "Yeah. Before. When you got here, you were kinda upset. I mean rightfully so, of course. We talked a bit when you calmed down but you sort of freaked for some reason and well, here you are now. It happens all the time.." She adds quickly, trying to reassure him again. "Oh. Well..I think..I think I'm okay now. Sort of. My mind is a bit...frazzled I think." "Yeah. I know. It's normal. I'm still figuring it all out. Been here for almost a month. I think. Maybe longer." "I'm Owen.." She smiled. "I'm Lexie. Short for Alexandra." "Oh I like that." Owen smiled at her. She seems genuinely nice.


	2. Chapter 2 - I'm a Mess

**Trigger warning: Self harm, Suicide attempt**

**Chapter Two – I'm a Mess**

It's Saturday morning and then it's Saturday afternoon. Owen is laying in bed, wondering how the hell he's supposed to get out of bed that day. His back aches and so do his shoulders. He notes his hips and his legs hurt too. Maybe his whole body does. Owen feels exhausted and wonders if he might be sick. The flu has been going around and maybe he finally caught it. Working 15 hours one day and then maybe 24 the next and so forth may have caught up to him. He feels like using work as a crutch wasn't a good idea and yet, he sort of knew that already. Owen feels his forehead and it doesn't feel hot. He manages to dig in the bedside table and finds the thermometer. After holding it under his tongue for the allotted time, he stares down at it. Owen is fine. Well, in theory he is. He doesn't feel it. Owen lays in bed the rest of the day, getting up to pee and to eat. It's Sunday afternoon and he's still in bed. He can't physically bring himself out of bed. Owen feels stuck, almost trapped under the covers except he prefers this instead. He prefers it instead of being up and about. The thought is exhausting. Owen stays in bed the rest of the day.

The next day feels worse than the last and he can't get up. Owen has to be at work soon and he can't get up, can't bring himself to shower, get dressed and pretend that the world isn't swallowing him whole. He feels different today. Owen thinks about the last several years and wonders if they were worth it. Was the pain worth it? It hadn't bothered him too much up until now. Sometimes it creeps up and slowly takes over your life. Other times, it comes all at once.

He calls in sick. Owen lays in bed for the rest of the day, knowing the trash needs to be taken out, the dishes need to be done and he needs to shower. None of which he can even bare to do. Owen had woken up early from his uneasy sleep and thought about everything that had happened. His and Cristina's disastrous relationship, the plane crash, the deaths, Teddy leaving and of course, the hospital nearly going broke. Thinking about it all makes him wish he that he didn't have to leave the trailer, ever. Owen feels like an embarrassment and wants nothing more than to close his eyes and never wake up. He has an uneasy sleep, tossing and turning. Owen wakes up early that morning and finally gets up after a great deal of effort. He can't continue to be this way and he knows that. Owen forces himself into the shower and gets dressed and drives to work. Plastering the smile on his face is hard but somehow he manages to laugh at a joke and smile at passing nurses. He buys a case of beer after work and drinks nearly all of them once he gets home. Owen wakes up half way through the night and pukes the rest of it up. The trailer is so small that he has to kneel outside the bathroom in order to get his head in there. He curses it and yells at how fucking small it is. Owen's about to lash out when he remembers this trailer isn't his and his stomach doesn't need the extra movement. He's always been a little bit depressed but it's never been this bad before. Owen starts to wonder how he's going to make it into work later that morning. He digs in his fridge and finds some Poweraid. Owen drinks it up and eats a little bit of food. He showers again and changes into some clean clothes. Owen goes to work.

This continues for several more days before one day he wakes up and realizes he can't live like this anymore. The garbage is stinky and mouldy and the dishes aren't far off. Owen showers and heads to work with a plan. He steals some anti-depressants. This normally isn't how he goes about things but he's desperate and he'll deal with the consequences later. Owen takes some while he's at work and then when he heads home, he's filled with energy. He takes the dirty garbage out and starts to clean. Owen cleans the trailer from top to bottom and throws out all his food. He carries the trash bags outside and heads back into the trailer again. Owen starts to put his things into garbage bags and packs everything up for convenience. He scribbles a quick thank you note to Derek for the trailer and walks up to their house. Owen sets the envelope in their mailbox, the keys tucked in. He walks back to the trailer and sits on the porch. The view is amazing and he'll miss it but that's life for you. Change is ever constant. He sighs. A smile spreads across his face before he digs into the pocket of his coat and pulls out a pill bottle. Owen takes as many of them as he can as he sits on one of the stairs. He closes his eyes and waits. Owen slowly slips into unconsciousness, happy it's finally over. He's not sure how much time has passed before his violently woken up. Someone is thumping on his chest, swearing at him. His eyes fly open and he immediately pukes up any remnants of the pills he's taken. Meredith is kneeling next to him and looks relieved that he's awake. She says she has to take him to the hospital to get his stomach pumped. Owen tries to tell her it's not necessary but he can't form words at the moment. He can hear the ambulance sirens in the air and the first thing he thinks is that he hopes his medical insurance covers the ride.

Owen's put in the back of the ambulance with Meredith in tow. He knows she's saying things but he can't quite make it out. Owen empties his stomach on the way to the hospital several more times and once he arrives there, they finish the job. He's annoyed to say the least, not wanting to cause a disturbance with everything else that's going on. The whole reason he did all that work was to make it as pain free as possible. "I can't believe you did that Owen!" Meredith hisses as she sits at his bedside. "How..did you know?" Owen manages to croak out, his throat still raw from vomiting and the tube they had used. "You've been miserable for years! You think I wouldn't get a clue the moment she leaves your life forever? You were so happy at work today, I knew something was up!" Meredith ran a hand through her hair, unsure of what to do next. She needed to gather her thoughts. "You're going to have to stay with Derek and I. I can't leave you by yourself.." "No. No, that's not..." Owen looked around, trying to figure out a solution. "You're being put on suicide watch overnight so don't think you can find anything to finish the job." Meredith hissed. Truthfully she was terrified for him, not wanting him to end his life. He sighed heavily, silently chastising himself for not doing this earlier in the day. Maybe if he'd left work early or something. As it was, he was in the hospital and he'd have to put it off.

Owen was taken to psych, an all too familiar floor. He stared up at the ceiling and sighed again. Owen waited until the middle of the night before he glanced over at the lamp in his room. He leapt out of bed and smashed it, knowing he would only have seconds before someone came in. Owen grabbed one of the shards and sliced open his arm. Just as he was about to do the other one, several orderlies rushed at him and subdued him. His arm was taken care of and he got restraints. When Owen woke the next morning, he was surprised to see April sitting next to the bed. Her face is wet but she looks determined though. "...Owen." She finally croaked, sniffling a bit. "April...What are you.." Owen starts to say before she cuts him off. "I'm here to help you." April says, taking his hand in hers. "I know..I know you're sad and I know you've been sad for a long time. You always try to put on a front and get through every day but you just...you just can't do this anymore Owen. You can't. I'm sorry but I won't let you." April isn't sure if she should continue her train of thought but she can't help it. "Cristina isn't here anymore so I'm going to help you." She tells him of a place he can go to get the help he clearly needs. Owen isn't sure about that. He's heard stories. "I don't want to go somewhere to get my brain scrambled! I know you're just looking out for me but no." April knows he's uneasy about it. "You don't have a choice. You're going." "You can't do that! I don't consent to that!" Owen yelled back, trying to fight the restraints he was in. "You've been out of it for a while, you're not in the right frame of mind."

April got up from her chair and walked out of the room. She hurried down the hallway and tucked into the bathroom, locking the door. April slid down the door and cried in her hands. This was not supposed to happen. She has been looking forward to telling him he was the godfather of her and Jackson's child and now, he is trying to leave this life and enter the next.

The next day, Owen is taken away. He's pissed off and he's scared and he can't go, he can't possibly go. Owen can't fight them all off, especially when the sedative is coursing through his veins. He goes limp and his carried away. When he wakes up, hours later, he yells until he's hoarse. His eyes are burning with salty tears and he's shaking. This can't be happening. Owen's not supposed to be here. He's told everything is going to be okay and that's what he's afraid of. Owen paces the pale room, trying to figure out how to get out of a place he can never escape. A man he doesn't recognize comes into the room and introduces himself as a doctor. Owen tells him it's a mistake and that he shouldn't be here. The man seems used to this chatter and tells him not to worry anymore. Owen gets sat down in the room and an IV attached to his arm. He's still a little weak from the sedative and he can't fight them off and rip out the needle. Instead, he leans against the wall and his eyes shut.

Memories fly through his mind as various emotions flood his brain. He can see Cristina laughing and smiling and yelling and crying. Owen can see the moment he cheated, he can see Teddy leaving and yelling at him and he can recall the crash that changed it all. Every single horrible moment in the last couple of years flashed through his mind as his body seized up, tears streaming down his face. All he can see is pain. Owen yells for what feels like hours. His throat is raw as he finally stops yelling, the tears start to dry up as his minds starts to slowly wipe itself clean.

Owen passes out.


	3. Chapter 3 - A little bit more

A/n: Thank you for the reviews! It's good motivation to keep going. Ps I promise this chapter will not be as dark as the last and that the rest of them will likely be less dark too.

**Chapter Three – A little bit more**

Owen looks at Lexie. There's something about her, a feeling in his chest as he looks into her eyes. He's got a fondness for her, it seems but it's not just from this one chat. There's something but he can't grasp it. Whenever Owen tries to pin point it, it goes away. He frowns for a moment before bringing himself back to the situation at hand. Owen sits with her, occasionally glancing at David to make sure he's still there. He's not entirely sure why he finds comfort in this guy but he was literally the first person to be kind to him since he woke up. Nothing really makes sense but at the moment, he's still too confused to care. Owen sips the juice in front of him and smiles at her before glancing out the window. The window is massive and you can see the mountains and the trees, the blue sky dotted with clouds. He just stares. It's like a whole other world out there, he thinks. Owen laughs. It is.

Lexie watches Owen. She feels something for him but she can't place it and she doesn't know why. Did she know him before? Lexie wants to bring it up but she can tell by his demeanour that he's not ready for that yet. She's going to bring it up eventually but right now, he's still trying to adjust. Lexie sees him staring outside and does the same. It's a beautiful day out and she might go out later to feel the sun on her face. She wonders what will happen once she leaves. Does she have a place to go? Lexie puzzles over it, wondering if they'll set her up somewhere or what's happening. Does she have a family? She knows she'll be told soon enough and that maybe, in a couple of weeks, she'll finally get to leave. Lexie is looking forward to it despite the pang of anxiety in her chest at the thought of the unknown. She turns her attention back to Owen. He's still looking outside. "Owen?" She says, breaking the silence between them. "What? Oh. I was just looking out there.." He says turning his attention back to her. Owen studies her for a moment. "How did you lose your arm?" He suddenly asks. Owen's eyebrows furrow for a moment. "Wait..was that inappropriate?" He's honestly not sure but it might be. Do you just ask someone like that? Lexie shrugs, knowing that while the question sort of is, she understands. "I don't remember. I think...something...something..an accident I think. A car accident?" Lexie wracks her brain, trying to figure it out and while she'd never really thought about it before, she was thinking about it now. Owen nods. She doesn't really remember and whatever they've told her isn't solid.

"But no, you don't normally ask someone that." Lexie adds, figuring he ought to know anyway. "Sorry. I'll remember next time." Owen replies nodding. "It's okay. Honestly. I figured I should just tell you now for the future." Lexie says with a smile. Owen smiles back. "Thank you. I'll figure this out eventually. I promise." He finishes his food and pushes it away. An employee walks by and picks the tray up, carrying it away.

"NO NO! HOW COME I DONT REMEMBER? HOW COME? YOU CAN'T JUST DO THIS!" Someone yells loudly. Owen looks around and spots a woman standing at the far end of the cafeteria. She is standing there with a crazed look in her dark brown eyes. He remembers that her hair had been up in a tight bun but now, her curly hair is loose and out of control. "Amanda..Amanda calm down..." Owen hears a voice say. He looks around realizing this is way too much for him to handle. David put a hand on his shoulder. "Come on." He says in a gentle voice. Owen gets up with him, noticing others around him that are leaving too. He follows David away from the scene and down the hall, back to his room. Owen realizes he never said goodbye to Lexie. He hopes she understands. Owen's hands are shaking as he sits on his bed, his heart is racing in his chest. She was so crazed. "What happened?" He asks David as the other man tries to figure out whether or not Owen's anxiety is going to spiral or not. "Sometimes the treatment doesn't work." David replies, choosing his words carefully. "Oh. Well I hope it works on me." Owen says, bringing his knees up to his chest. David isn't sure how to take that but he goes with it. He's not entirely sure what they're doing is a good idea, considering there are other ways to deal with the illness. Dr Thomas approaches the room and gestures for David to come over. "How's the patient?" He asks, his hands resting in the pockets of his lab coat. "He's trying to adjust. The patient's brain is still trying to function as normally as it used to." David bit his lip before continuing. "Owen met Lexie Grey." Dr Thomas thought a moment. "And?" "And they have no idea who each other are. Neither of them are showing any signs." "Good. Keep it that way David. Let me know if anything changes." And with that Dr Thomas heads into the room.

"How are you feeling today Owen?" He asks, sitting on a nearby chair. "Uhh..Okay. I think. I ate in the cafeteria but someone was yelling so I came back here." Owen replies, still balled up on the bed. "Good idea. You don't need to be over stimulated like that. I hear you have a new friend." He says with a smile. "Oh yeah well, she was nice to me anyway. Her name is Lexie." The doctor nods. Owen wonders if he should tell the doctor that he thinks he knows Lexie from somewhere. Something tells him not to say a word and he keeps his mouth shut. Eventually he's left alone with his thoughts.

The next day something unexpected happens. Owen takes his pills a little too quickly and the next thing he knows he's coughed them up again. He's alone when this happens which is a miracle but he guesses David trusts him enough to take them, seeing as though he has before, every time. Owen shrugs and decides not to do anything about it. He doesn't really like taking pills anyway and maybe missing a day isn't a big deal. The thing is that by doing that, he finds he can think more clearly. Owen's once foggy mind is clear and he feels more like himself or at least he feels more comfortable than he had been. He's not sure how ignorant he's supposed to be so he chooses to keep this to himself. At breakfast, he goes into the cafeteria and gets some toast and some oatmeal. His appetite still isn't that large but it doesn't bother him. What he is craving though, is coffee. He can smell it and when he sees it, he nearly runs over to it but slowly walks over like he would before and pours himself a cup. Owen sees Lexie sitting by herself and walks over to her. "Hey, Morning." He says in a friendly voice. "Morning." She replies with a smile. Every time he looks at her, he gets a pain in his chest and he's not sure why. This never used to happen and now, seeing her sitting there wearing a smile is slightly painful. Owen frowns. "Something wrong?" She asks, looking concerned. Owen's not sure how honest he should be with her but he wants to tell her. Maybe she can fill in the blanks or maybe she's as lost as he is. "Uhh..the thing is..." Owen says, lowering the volume of his voice. "I..I think I know you...from before. Every time I look at you I just get this...this feeling and I think I do." Lexie sighs in relief. "Thank god. I was thinking that too but I didn't want to make this weird or anything in case you didn't."

Neither of them knew where or what but the feelings were there. They both promise each other when they figure it out, to tell the other. "It's time for therapy Ms Grey." A stalky orderly says, standing near her. "Okay, I just need to finish the rest of my fruit and I'll be there." She replies with a small smile. "No, you'll go now." He replies grumpily. "She said she just had a few more bites and then she'll go." Owen says, narrowing his eyes at the man. "She's going now." The orderly says, grabbing her arm and retching her out of her seat. "Ouch! You're hurting me!" Lexie yells out, clearly distressed. Owen stands up. "Let go of her! She said she was on her way. You don't need to get physical." He says using his hands to talk. "Back off Hunt!" The man yells. Owen's eyebrows furrow as he watches the man continue to grab Lexie roughly. He can already see a bruise forming on her arm from where he'd grabbed her. She tries to run, clearly panicked by the situation when the orderly grabs her again and pulls his free arm back. Owen punches him square in the jaw and goes to see if Lexie is alright. "You okay?" He asks, helping her up after she'd fallen. "Thank you..I think I'm going to have a bruise on my arm but I think I'm okay. What a jerk.."

Owen knows they're coming. He makes it half way up the hallway before several orderlies and grab him and drag him down the hall. Owen nearly wriggles free before he's finally sedated. They drag him to solitary.

He's there for the rest of the day unconscious before finally waking up. Owen knows he's been drugged up to the gills. All he can manage to do is stare at the wall and study the brush strokes of the white paint. It's a pretty shoddy job and he can see each stroke of the brush. It's a lot of work holding onto that thought. He thinks about the time him and his father painted the inside of their house. It had taken them nearly a week to do it all, his mother glad they'd chosen to do this in the summer. She was not a fan of the smell of fresh paint so she would spend the whole day outside in her garden. Owen smiles at the thought. It was a good memory and one that he is glad he still has.

A short time later, the doctor comes in and starts to talk to him. Owen isn't entirely sure what he's saying, his mind is too unfocused but he feels a pinch in his side. His brain is muddy again.

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April sits at her desk, her protruding belly keeping her from being as close as she likes. She rests a hand on top of it, thinking about the first time she's going to feel the baby kick. It's something she's looking forward to. This entire journey is going to be a first and she's excited. April idly stares at the screen, making up a schedule for the trauma department. A lot of these sorts of tasks fall on her now which she doesn't mind too much. It's the least she could do. As she types, she nearly types Owen's name at the top before deleting it. April frowns. She still feels bad for what happened but she knows she didn't have a choice and she knows that they'll help him. April knows he'll be okay or at least she hopes so. She just wants him back at the hospital. April also knows they're supposed to phone when he's well again but who knows when that'll be. She always asks Derek every time she sees him, hoping he'll have a definite answer. He doesn't usually but he's waiting too.


	4. Chapter 4 - Feel it coming

A/n: You wish this fic was filled with dead people. This is not the 6th sense. Spoiler alert.

**Chapter Four – Feel it coming**

Flashback...

_It was dark and it smelled like gasoline. Lexie stared up at the sky, the plane partially disrupting her view. She felt moderately calm, awaiting her own death. It was a funny situation and yet horribly sad. Arizona had been screaming about something but she wasn't entirely sure what. Cristina had hurt her shoulder and Meredith was looking for Derek..or she'd found him. Something like that. Her mind was muddled at the moment but she didn't care too much. All she cared about was the man that never left her side. Mark held her hand and wouldn't let go. She wondered if they would all survive the coming days or even the night. Lexie took a breath. It had hurt before but now, now it was painless. She was going to die and somehow, she found peace with that. Lexie wasn't alone. She had Mark with her and that's all that mattered. _

_Eventually she fell unconscious, saying her final goodbyes..._

_Except...it wasn't._

_Lexie woke up midway through the night, an animal sniffing at her body. She locked eyes with it, unable to move at first as it tried to take her arm or what was left of it. Lexie through adrenaline or something, wriggled free of the plane and ran into the woods. She was half crazed, practically bleeding to death. Lexie wasn't sure how long she ran for but with only one thought in her head, escape, she ran as fast as her legs could carry her. She found a road, her lungs burning from the exertion and stopped, her hand resting on her knee while her other arm hung loosely. _

_Sheer luck it seemed as a car drove by and noticed her. Not only did they stop, they actually helped her. She was driven to the closest hospital and taken care of before she her arm had to be amputated. Lexie found out her surgical career was over and without thought, tried to take her own life. The plane crash and now that had pushed her over the edge. A short time after that she was taken to the very facility she resided in now._

_Lexie had no memory of the entire thing including her half sister Meredith. Everything was gone. Mark was gone. It was all gone. _

Present

Lexie stares down at her bruised up arm and frowns. Thank god Owen had punched him or who knows what would have happened. She feels relief as she sits in the doctor's office on the couch. Lexie watches him come into the room and sit down. He smiles at her as he always does. Dr Thomas always tries to give off the impression he's an approachable person and she supposes that's the point. They're supposed to talk to him and want to talk to him. They are supposed to spill everything to him. Lexie hasn't been taking the medication for over a week and she knows better than to tell him anything. He does, however, bring up the incident that just happened. She says she was scared and that she was glad Owen intervened. The doctor, however, thought he'd acted too rashly. Lexie brushes it off, not caring what he thought. "How..how long is Owen going to be in solitary?" She finally decides to ask, raising her eyebrows a little. "As long as it takes." Dr Thomas replies. Lexie frowns and makes a mental note to help him the moment he gets out. She's got to get him off the medication if he has any hope once he leaves this place.

They talk for a little while longer before Lexie is excused to her room. She wonders down the hall and takes a detour. Lexie finds her way towards the room Owen's in and peers through the little window. He's just laying there on the mattress and she frowns. At least he's just drugged up at the moment. She knows sometimes when they can't "fix" people with medication, they take it to the extreme. Lexie hopes that doesn't happen to either of them. She just wants her memories back and she wants to get out of here unscathed. She taps her finger on the glass, wondering if he'll notice. Lexie watches Owen turn his head, his eyes glazed. At least he moves. She looks a little longer and finally runs back to her room before her orderly notices.

Owen watches Lexie by the door, happy she's there. He feels exhausted, like he hasn't slept in days and he considers rolling over and going back to sleep. Owen can't figure out why. Did something happen? Maybe he really did have trouble sleeping. His mind isn't working properly, a fog coating his thoughts. He decides to just roll over and sleep. Owen doesn't know how long he slept for but when he wakes up, it's night. He doesn't know what time it is and for a moment, he doesn't know where he is. Owen looks around again and falls back asleep.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

It's 630 in the fucking morning when her plane lands. She pulls the sleep mask from her face and grumbles, wondering why in the hell she decided to pick such a flight. Time changes are a bitch, this much she knows.

"Good morning. The local time in Seattle is 6:35 am..." The pilot bellows on, annoying her at how cheery he is. She supposes that perhaps that's a good thing. He should be alert while he's flying. One plane crash is enough for her. Cristina runs a hand through her hair and sighs. Her hair is everywhere and she makes a note to shower once she gets to her hotel. The plane parks at the airport and she grabs her carry on and gets off the plane, dragging her feet. "You look tired Dr Yang." "Shut up Shane." She replies, dismissing him immediately. Why she brought him all the way to Switzerland is beyond her. Well he's useful sometimes. Sometimes. Cristina remembers being on the phone with Meredith and her asking flat out if she was sleeping with Shane. Cristina laughed for a while before finally saying she has standards. While Meredith points out her Minnesota fling, Cristina dismisses that too, telling her to fuck off.

Cristina walks over to baggage claim and waits for her luggage with Shane. A little while later, the thing starts up and eventually their bags are in sight. Shane grabs hers, nearly throwing his back out at how heavy it is. "Big baby." Cristina says, taking the bag from him. He grabs his. "Well be seeing you in a week." She says, walking away from him. He stares at her as she walks away, wondering why she stopped sleeping with him. Cristina sees Meredith waiting for her and her eyes widen. "What the hell? I thought you'd be sleeping." She says walking over and hugging her. Meredith hugs her back. "Come on. I have two kids. That doesn't happen." They walk together and head outside. "Christ it's cold today. I didn't miss this." Cristina says zipping her coat up the rest of the way. "I'll drive you to your hotel and then we should eat." Meredith says unlocking her car and helping Cristina get her bag in the back of her jeep. "God this bag is heavy.." "Yeah well, I have needs." Cristina replies, waving her hand as she gets into the passenger seat. Meredith gets in the drivers and they head off. "So how are things?" Cristina asks, staring out the window. "Ah okay. The hospital's busy but nothing we can't handle right now. Derek is on another research kick. The kids are great, Bailey is growing like crazy. How's Zurich?"

Cristina smiles. "You know it's really great. I can't believe how much resources I have. It's the dream. You know, the usual." It really is. She thinks it was fantastic and she couldn't be happier. They chatted as Meredith drives to the hotel, telling stories back and forth. Meredith was however careful not to even mention Owen to her. She knew better and wouldn't say a word unless she asked in which case, she would just tell her he was away or something. He was sort of away anyway...

Cristina gets settled into her giant hotel room before she heads down with Mer to get some breakfast. "It feels weird eating breakfast right now. I should be eating dinner.." That of course didn't stop her from ordering a bunch of breakfast food. Meredith laughs. For such a tiny woman, she can sure eat and Meredith knows Cristina will eat everything off her plate. "So the hospital's good?" Cristina says casually, sipping her coffee. "Yup." Meredith replies sipping her own. "How's Owen?" Meredith nearly chokes on her cup. "Oh uhh good. He's busy." She replies, hoping that's enough. Cristina's eyebrows furrow. "Okay..." She's obviously not convinced. "It's okay if you tell me he's in a relationship. It's fine, honestly. He deserves to be happy.." Even though the idea is a slightly nauseating. "Oh no. He's not. He hasn't been with anyone since you.." Which is likely one of the contributing factors to what happened. Meredith can't tell her. There's no way. Something's going on but she's not sure what. Cristina decides to drop the subject.

They eat and head to the hospital. Cristina wants to see her old friends before she succumbs to jetlag. The first person she sees his Alex. Cristina smiles broadly and Alex does too. She hugs him. "I missed you Evil Spawn." Cristina says with a grin. "Missed you too Yang." "So..How's Jo?" She asks, getting straight to the point. "Fine. We're fine. Happy even." Alex says with a genuine smile on his face. Cristina smiles back. "Good. I'm really glad to hear that." And she honestly was. Alex deserved all the happiness in the world. It was amazing how far they'd come along. "How's Zurich?" He asks, leaning against a nearby nurses station. "A hell of a lot better that I ever thought it would be." They chat for a while longer before he gets called into surgery. "See you around Yang." He calls as he heads down the hallway. Cristina nods. "Yeah." She heads down to trauma, just to spy on Owen. Just a peak. Good thing she's over him or this would be really hard.

Good thing.

Cristina pokes her head around the corner and scans the room. He's nowhere. She's instantly annoyed. "Cristina?" She hears a familiar voice say. Cristina turns around and sees April standing there. "Oh hey April. How are you?" She asks, actually wanting to know. "Oh good. Jackson and I are really good. The baby is growing and we're happy." Her answer seems muddled but Cristina goes with it. "He's not here Cristina." She furrows her eyebrows. "What do you mean? Who do you mean?" Cristina says, pretending she doesn't know what April's talking about. "You know exactly who I mean. You came down here to see Owen and he's not here." "He's away?" "Yeah. He's away. Dr Hunt's on vacation.." April lied, wondering how convincing she was being. Everyone seemed to be shifty about the subject which irked Cristina a bit.

But she left it alone. Cristina headed around the rest of the hospital and said hello to who she cared about before heading back to her hotel to sleep for bit. The moment her head hit her pillow, she was out. Several hours later, she wakes up under the covers feeling rested or at least somewhat rested. Cristina considers rolling over and going back to sleep but she promised Meredith she'd be there for dinner. She lays there a little while longer before finally getting up. Cristina showers and gets on some jeans and a t-shirt. She grabs her signature leather jacket and grabs her purse. Cristina drives to Meredith's house in the woods and gets out of her rental car. She knocks on the door but doesn't wait long as Zola is standing there. "Aunty Cissssyyy!" She says happily, holding her arms up. Cristina picks her up and hugs her. "Hey Zola!" Cristina replies with a huge smile. "Mumma, Aundy Cissy is here!" Zola yells to Mer. Meredith comes around the corner and laughs. "Hey Cristina." "Hey Mer." She heads into the dreamhouse and sits down on the couch. "Alright well sit down. I'm going to grab a bottle of wine." Meredith says, heading into the kitchen and digs in a cupboard, finding a bottle of red. She pours them each a glass and comes back to the couch, handing Cristina the glass. "I'm making some lasagna..Callie made it."

She got the table set with some mismatched plates but it works. "Derek should be home soon. He's just running a little late." Cristina nods, not caring too much that McDreamy wouldn't be joining them for a little while yet. She was content enough, finding Derek annoying most days anyway. Cristina looks around the house at all the pictures and the life that Meredith had now. It was a far cry from back when they were first interns. Now she is a mother and a wife and one hell of a surgeon. Cristina is rather proud of all of them. Alex is an amazing Paediatric surgeon which she would never admit to him. Her heart ached a little as she thinks of George, thinking that he would have excelled tremendously at trauma surgery if he were still alive today. She wonders about Izzie occasionally but ultimately, she hurt Alex which makes her scum.

Cristina's mind wanders back to Owen. She wonders how he is doing and whether he's happy or not. Cristina honestly hopes so even though her heart aches for him every day they're apart. Sure the job is amazing but it doesn't keep her warm at night and wrap their arms around her. It doesn't cook for her or give her a shoulder to cry on when she feels overwhelmed. She bites her lip before trying hard to push him out of her mind. Cristina brings herself back to the moment she's in and sees that dinner is ready and that Derek has come home. She hugs Derek out of obligation, knowing that him and Mer are still on thin ice. Cristina sits down at the table with them and starts sipping the rest of her glass of wine. Dinner goes well. The kids make her laugh and Derek makes her roll her eyes. Meredith is very happy Cristina has come back for a visit. She missed her person a great deal and having her here seems right. She wants to convince Cristina to stay but she knows that's selfish.

Eventually dinner is done and everything is cleaned up. Cristina and Mer are sitting on the couch with cups of tea, like old ladies, Cristina points out. Mer points out having more than one glass of wine would make her tipsy and she can't be hung over the next day. She actually has to be responsible, little people are counting on her. Cristina sips her tea. The two women are quiet. "Where's Owen?" The raven haired woman finally says, breaking the silence and setting her mug of tea down. "He's aw-" Meredith started to say before she was cut off. "I know. That's what I hear and it's bullshit. Where is he Mer? Is he married? Is he dead?" Married might be stretching it considering it had only been several months but she had to say that. Meredith sighs. "He's...neither of those things." She doesn't know what to say. Meredith doesn't want to tell her but with the look Cristina is giving her, she might not have a choice. "Tell me Meredith." She hisses. Meredith sighs. "Okay...a couple weeks ago..he was...sad. I guess with everything that's going on, he just...couldn't take it..and..he's.." "I thought you said he wasn't dead!" Cristina says, tears threatening to leave her eyes. "He's not. He's not. He's fine. He just..there's this program you can put people in when they get really really depressed. Facilities have been popping up all over the country and they help people..." Meredith starts, wondering if that's enough or not. Why would it be with Cristina? "It's the best thing for him..." It might not be but she doesn't want to worry Cristina. She just wants her friend to know that Owen is okay and is being taken care of.

"You put him in one of those fucking hospitals?" Cristina snaps, standing up and putting her hands on her hips.


End file.
